Sun, Mr. Golden Sun Please shine down on me!
He is one of my closest friends. I sang about him in Barney songs and basically grew up with him by my side. He was all around me. Every day after school, my family would go to our cabana at The Breakers on Palm Beach and spend countless hours with him. Wherever I went-to the pool, the beach, the playground, nature walks with my dad-he was always there too. I would do my homework and then set out for whatever adventures lay before me in paradise.
He has been there through it all. All of my best memories from my childhood, adolescence, and now into adulthood are with him. He is home! He is literally everything I miss about home and the reason why I cannot stand the gloomy Northeast. He makes me feel better about myself-skinny, glowing, and beautiful. His personality is every color of the rainbow. He comes in through the window and fills any room with his booming personality. But he can make you feel cold and sad too when he is not there. I love him. I loved everything about him-he gave me meaning as a girl from the Sunshine State. Imagine that? A whole entire state named after him, that’s how loved, adored, and desired he is - there is no other place I would call home. His kiss was sweet-and it was not just a small kiss, but a kiss all over, and though fleeting, the memory of it is everlasting.
No matter how sweet he may be, though, or how happy he made me, or how many memories we shared, he would always burn me. He taught me to never fully trust anyone, no matter how you feel about their presence. But this took a long time to realize. Almost two decades, as a matter of fact. Mr. Sun and I recently went through a rough patch in our relationship. He stabbed me in the back and did something I just never thought would happen to me. His kiss and his burns became a cancer. He betrayed me in the worst way possible. How could he do this to me? We had always been there through it all together. He was my constant companion. His warmth set me free, but now he just felt cold and mean.
Scars are a constant reminder of where we have been and the trial and tribulations we have overcome, whether they are metaphysical or real. This was real. I have never felt a pain like this in my life. I could feel the burn in every part of my body-it was the most painful, eye opening experience of my life. I couldn’t walk for almost two months. I couldn’t bend over, go to the bathroom, sit, stand, bath, without pain. It took over me. Recovering from what he did to me was hard. He has humbled me and made me feel like less of a person. He took something away from me. He has robbed me of youth-it is something I will never get back, but something I have learned to get over. My mortality has become real to me-I have learned the hard way that I am not invincible. It was silly to trust him.
Someone I trusted to never hurt me, or slowly kill me for that matter, did the unthinkable. Sure he had done it to others before, still does it now, and will continue to harm those who are not wary, but me? Yea, right. In a million years I would have never thought my friend would do this to me.
But we always come back. Letting go of our relationship has been rough-I saw him in Punta Cana over spring break. He begged me to just soak in his warmth a little bit. I missed him-his touch, his kiss, the way he made me feel about myself, so I let him, and I got burned yet again. My parents yelled at me for seeing him. How could they not after what he did? I still miss him though, and wish we didn’t have to part ways so early in life. His friends try to give me the same feeling, but it is just not there. He is so natural and ever present, that I can’t replace him.
They say that time heals all, and that is true of some things, such as the scars he has left me with, but I believe that the many years we have left of trying to avoid each other will be an uphill battle. Our love-hate relationship may continue, but I refuse to get stabbed in the back by him again.